How The Dress Came To Be

by Judith Kajiwara

The Dress (2012) was conceived in January 2012. I was clearing out my closet and came across a beautiful dress I'd bought early on in my 20-year marriage. The marriage was ending and I had totally forgotten about the dress, its tags still intact. I remember purchasing the dress at Overstock.com as a splurge. I never showed anyone the dress. I fell in love with it, on-line, because of its rose-color shimmering fabric, retro feel and sparkling buttons. I convinced myself that it was a good investment--something that I'd need in the future when that special evening arrived. That evening never came.

I suddenly got the impulse to put the dress on and create a dance. In typically Butoh style, I went into an altered state of consciousness as I improvised with open mind and heart. Not suprisingly, the dress began to speak to me, telling me a story that reflected the multitude of emotions that were flowing through me. Though the dance began with a feeling of joy and gratitude for having found "love", its energy began to morph into something quite unexpected and scary. Abuse, both verbal and physical, came through. My body shifting from joy to fear in an instant. As the dress began to swallow me up, I felt small and invisible, hiding behind its grandeur, shrinking into my own darkness.

I thought--oh, no--haven't I moved past this? Why bring up old issues? Then I distinctly knew that abuse, in all shapes and sizes, is still very real among us. We still need to reveal and heal the tragedy of dominance over another--whether globally or personally--beginning within our own personal lives. The Dress ends with the character finally realizing that love and respect of one's self is all that's needed.